Two Loves
by Entwife Incognito
Summary: Patrick Jane has never been able to love Teresa Lisbon like she deserves. His memories and deep romantic love for his first wife could never be replaced. But he knew he was Teresa's one true love. She should have him. He knew he could make her happy, care for and love her in his own way. 1-Shot, AU. Warning: Adult sexual situations. Disclaimer: I own nothing about The Mentalist.


_**A/N This story is the result of two elements: 1) A challenge from clairebare to jump from her fan fic "the second mrs. jane," expanding certain ideas we discussed after I had read it. It's a great story and had quite an emotional effect on me. I recommend you read it and everything she writes. And 2) A request to include in a fic an event on Twitter that didn't happen (Those who weren't there know what I mean. Those who think they were there need to forget about it.) **_

"**Ring the bells that still can ring. Forget your perfect offering."**

–_**Leonard Cohen, 'Anthem'**_

This had been going on for months. Lisbon left with the grunt work while everyone else was sent into the field. She was a great agent, but her talents weren't being used by the FBI. She had been effectively sidelined. To Jane, it looked like disrespect. They wanted him everywhere. This isn't what he had agreed to. Lisbon was his partner, but he never got to work with her. And he felt he was being used to show her up somehow. It made his blood boil. If anyone deserved status above him, it was Lisbon. He would have been nothing without her. He wished that he loved her. He would marry her. Let her share his false status and jumpstart her own from there.

It wasn't quite true that Jane didn't love Lisbon. He cared for her more than anyone or anything in the world. Her safety and happiness would always be first. It was certainly love, but not the romantic, lose yourself in the other person kind of love. Angela was his true love. He would never love like that again. But she was gone, his precious child with her, and it took the passion right out of him. He would never be whole without her.

He loved Lisbon in a different sense, one not driven by romantic love, although he certainly felt passionate towards her at times. Strongly. She was an attractive, strong and smart, kind woman with a heart blown big by her own tragedies. Just as damaged as he, in some ways. And Jane knew that she had been desperately in love with him for years. He was her one true love, and it galled him sometimes that he could not return the depth she longed for. He had distanced himself emotionally from her for that reason. But, maybe that wasn't the right thing to do, for Lisbon or for himself.

Jane opened his eyes. It was the same wracking pain every morning. The flush of excitement as he opened his eyes to get to see his Angela on the pillow next to him. She wasn't there. Then the knob would click and that door would creak underneath hearing as he opened it again. His beautiful girls slaughtered, cut to ribbons and displayed for him to find, the scent of their blood a devouring beast, opening its maw for him, consuming his entire body. The most real part of his reality. Every morning Jane wanted to die. Every morning he breathed deep, let the tears fall and focused on getting that first cup of tea. Slowly the beast crawled from inside to cling to his back, hot foul breath flowing over his neck. It took his morning shower to get it to climb off.

Jane decided to give Lisbon what she wanted. Him. And he would take endless comfort in her love even if he couldn't quite return it measure for measure. He would never say such a thing to her, but she would understand it anyway even if not consciously. It would become a part of her love for him. And he would welcome it. Her happiness would be his reward. And his would come from being with her, being her husband and caring for her until the end of their days. It would be comforting to see her on the pillow next to him, to make love to her until she gave up everything. He would be happy, too. As happy as Patrick Jane with the creaking door could be. He would dare anyone to disrespect Lisbon under his rightful protection.

It was the first night of their undercover guise as a couple that Jane broached the subject. A crew had finished cleaning up after the party and left, batches of fingerprints and DNA to process, no doubt. Lisbon sat on the couch, a modest distance from him, in the muted light.

When he turned to her, taking in how beautiful she was in that dress, she smiled at him, seeing something soft in the light of his eyes.

"This was nice." Jane spoke softly, but continued to look at her.

"What was nice, Jane?"

"Pretending to be your lover, your partner." He blushed slightly and watched her do the same, still smiling but lowering her eyes.

"It _is_ nice, isn't it?"

"You like it, too? I'm glad." Courage came to him. "Sometimes, I—"

"Yeah. Me, too." Lisbon looked sadly at him and shrugged her shoulders. "But it's just not there, is it?"

Jane was a little shocked. "It's not there for you?" He felt a panic he couldn't quite explain.

Lisbon's chagrin escaped in a soft snort. When she dared to look at Jane's face, hers was beet red. "It doesn't matter, does it? I mean, if it's not there for you—"

"No! Teresa, that's not true!"

The intake of breath was almost a gasp as her eyes went round and wide.

"You mean more to me than anything in the world. Your happiness is everything to me."

Lowering her eyes, she managed a wan smile, pale as winter sun. "Oh. That's really nice, Jane."

He held up his ringless left hand and the movement drew her attention. "I know it was for undercover, but I'm not putting it back on."

Lisbon cocked her head, her brows drawn in confusion. Did he mean that he want-?

"I want to be with you, Lisbon. I want us to be together."

She drew her knees up and sat on her legs, turned to him on the sofa. Her mouth was softly open in disbelief.

"This is so sudden."

"Sudden, after more than twelve years?"

"Yes. I've, well, wanted to be with you for a long time. But I never saw that you felt the same way. Or at least sometimes I thought I saw it, but then you'd take it away."

"Not anymore."

"Why? Why the change?"

"I want you to be happy. I think I can make you happy. I would do everything in my power." He looked carefully into her eyes. "And I want to be happy, too."

He hadn't said anything about love. "Do . . . you . . . love me . . . Jane?"

"I do love you, Lisbon. I love you very much. And I want to share a life with you." Nothing he said felt remotely false. He held his arms open to her. "You don't have to say yes or no right now. But . . . will you kiss me?"

Lisbon rose to her knees and fell into his arms, holding him in a tight embrace. "Oh, Patrick." Pulling away so she could look at his face, she saw the light and hope in his eyes. She brought her face close to his and they shared a tender kiss before she collapsed against him again and he held her close, planting little kisses low on her neck.

Jane was glad to feel his arousal for her. He knew he could be a good husband to her. For her, he would be and give anything she needed. And he would give her all the love he was capable of. He hoped it would be enough. But . . . she hadn't said yes to them being together yet.

"Take some time to think about it, Lisbon. We probably need to get some sleep for tomorrow."

"What about you? You're not going to bed?"

"I'm going to sit up awhile and finish my wine. I'll see you in the morning."

Lisbon pressed her lips on his again, wedging the tip of her little tongue between them. It was hot and wet. Jane gasped and squeezed her, his tongue licking her lips as she continued to play with his mouth. A hard-on was tight and uncomfortable in the restraints of his clothing and he wanted to use it with her. But that was too fast. She broke the kiss, told him good night and not to stay up too long, then went to her suite in the spacious house.

Arousal poured its chemicals into his blood like a fire hose, making him sweat. Jane thought about heading for his assigned suite and satisfying his urges. But he stayed, drinking wine until he calmed. And then he just stayed longer, stretched out on the couch and fell asleep. He didn't know when Lisbon came out deep in the night to check on him. He missed how beautiful she was in her red silk pajamas, missed her toss the throw and tuck it around him. Missed her soothing white hand petting the throw into place, knowing she comforted him.

Jane awoke with his usual demons and rose from the couch, wrapping the throw around his shoulders. Tea. He had to have tea to slam that door shut for the day. He groaned as the beast breathed on his neck. He had awoken with the throw tucked around his body, Lisbon's endless kindness, and the warmth of her gesture repelled the beast from his back before he had put the kettle on. By the time he'd showered and dressed, Lisbon was up and ready for the day, dazzling him in another beautiful and revealing dress. He could grow to like this very much.

They exchanged greetings, but the day soured from there. An agent from the Art division of the FBI was smitten with Lisbon. Who would not be? But she was attracted to him. It was unexpected and it hurt. He did his best to interfere with them, but Lisbon was running a low, enticing vibration that was all sex. Infatuation surely, but sex. It unnerved Jane completely. Perhaps she wasn't as interested in him as he'd thought if she could be enticed that easily.

Just now peeking from her years of limbo with Jane, Lisbon felt charged, alive with the pleasure of being wooed. Pike was good-looking, charming, a cop like herself. There would be a certain aloofness and willingness to accept a lot of separation that came with the job. It felt familiar, and comfortable. And her body lit up at his attentions.

Jane endured several weeks of this unexpected misery, interfering where he could and making sure Lisbon understood, saw his hurt, jealousy and desire. He'd just spoken for her. How could she just wander off? Yes, she deserved better than Jane if she could find it. But no one would be able to understand her, make her happy, know her, like he could. No one.

Apparently, Lisbon discovered that fact by herself. Late one afternoon she knocked on his Airstream door. He'd been spending a lot of time there lately.

"You've been busy." He pouted. Even though his face looked at her, his eyes didn't.

"Yes. I'm sorry. I guess our timing was poor. He showed up at just the right time and swept me off my feet. But he wasn't you. How could he even begin to know and understand me like you do? We definitely had some things in common, but it wasn't enough. We were too much alike, in a way. Cop life. Not so great in a pairing, it turns out."

"'Had some things in common?' 'Were too much alike?"

"Yes. I broke it off when I realized—"

"Did you sleep with him?"

"Well . . . yes, some."

Jane looked straight into her eyes then, his eyebrow arched, his mouth still in a pout. He wasn't particularly hurt that she had slept with Pike. She was an adult with needs that mostly went unmet, after all. But he had felt thwarted by their inopportune and sudden, oblivious romance. "'Some?'"

"Several times, okay? Are you going to repeat everything I say? I feel accused. We used a condom, if that helps."

"Even though I'm . . . I guess you could say hurt, Lisbon, I do understand why you would have sex. And certainly why Pike would want to have sex with you. And yes, it does help that you used a condom. I appreciate you telling me. I guess this means you want to try things with me, now."

"Yes. I do. I agree with you. I think you could make me very happy. The only one who could make me happy. I hope I haven't ruined everything by flaking out like that."

"No. No, you haven't, Lisbon. Better to get it out of your system before . . . " He trailed off, not wanting to rush anything.

"Before what?"

"Well, before we dive in. Because it's very serious to me. I want you to be serious about it, not distracted. You could hurt me."

"I know. I'm sorry I hurt you. I'm so glad you forgive me. It's very kind for you to make allowances for my . . . oblivion and my timing. I probably don't deserve it. The best thing is that you're serious about me."

"Absolutely nothing to forgive, Teresa. I'm definitely looking forward to this." He stepped to where she sat at the table. She put her hands in his when he offered, and he pulled her into his arms for a long, sensuous kiss."

"Are you sure you're not jealous or angry that I slept with him?"

"I'm sure now. You saw how panicky I was at first. When I saw I couldn't stop you, that I shouldn't stop you or destroy a chance for your happiness, I let you go. As for the sex, I intend that our sexual relationship will leave you panting every time and leave Pike in the dust, a wisp of vague recollection. It won't matter to either of us in a very short time."

Jane's promises left Lisbon in a heat of anticipation. He felt her breath warm and accelerate and her heart pound in her chest while she was in his arms.

"Is there any reason I might need to use a condom with you, Teresa?"

Lisbon blushed. But she knew this was information Jane had a right to know if they were embarking on a physical relationship. "No. We were careful. And nothing was so vigorous that we broke one. Um, nothing kinky."

A broad smile on his face, Jane gave her a smack on the lips. "Thank you for being so honest with me." Tame sex with Pike, huh? He had a feeling Lisbon needed much more than that. And she was sure to sense somehow that he could give it to her.

"What about you, Jane? Anything going on that means you need to use a condom with me?"

"Hmmmm. Nothing spicier than my five fingers, I'm afraid." He waggled them at her, smiling.

Her breath moved even faster as she slowly turned beet red and lowered her head. Then, she raised only her dilated eyes to look at him shyly. "I'd like to see that sometime."

"Oh-ho! You _are_ adventurous. Just as I thought! This is going to be fun." Pleasure filled his eyes as he grinned at her. "How about we go get some dinner?"

"Sounds great! I'm famished!"

"Fat burgers and crispy fries sound good to you? I know just the place."

"That's perfect! I love a good burger and fries. Simple things, I know, but they make me happy." The grin she gave him was so wide it showed nearly all her teeth.

"I know. I know how to find what makes you happy, Lisbon. And I'll spend my time finding those things and giving them to you. And that will make me happy, too."

She held his cheek with her hand. "That's so sweet, Patrick. I hope I can make you happy." Her gaze shifted from his lips to his eyes, and then his lips again. He was glad to give her what she wanted.

A little breathless after their kiss, Lisbon said, her cheeks bright, "I want to take you home with me tonight."

It was a big step to Jane.

"Too fast?"

"A little. Can we just keep it light for tonight?"

"If we can kiss and you will hold me, yes."

"I would enjoy that so much, Lisbon. You don't know how much. You're not disappointed?"

"Oh, no. You'll find that I'm a little impulsive in personal relationships. I know it doesn't seem like me . . . "

"I think you must be very passionate. And that is everything to look forward to." He kissed the hollow of her throat and then her neck to her ear.

Her eyes were very bright and she smiled as she opened her mouth to breathe. "You make me feel very passionate, Patrick."

Pulling her tight to his chest, she listened as he rumbled, "Mmmm, mmmm," and swayed with her a little.

So close she could feel he was aroused, it pleased her. "We'd better get going or we may never eat tonight."

Over the next few days, Lisbon was glad they were taking it slow. It gave them a chance to rebalance and figure out how to be a couple without disturbing their work personas or tangling themselves during cases. They spent virtually all their free time together, make out sessions getting longer and hotter and more exploratory.

"Friday night too fast for you?" Lisbon said as she rubbed him through her clothes, pelvis to pelvis.

"Ahhh. Ohhhh. No, should be just about right." He rubbed her as thoroughly as she did him, trying to wedge himself into the part of her covered sex, then pressing hard as he moved from side to side, imagining where her clit must be. She came for the first time. Jane watched her, so flushed and beautiful, calling out, her chest rising to rush air into her lungs as the orgasm drew her into its rhythm. Once he started kissing her again, he couldn't stop, and suddenly her hand was on him over his trousers. She found him, cupping her palm and fingers to run his rock-hard length from tip to balls until he cried out himself as warm jets of semen covered him in hidden places.

He buried his face between her breasts and pushed one rhythmically to his mouth, kissing it over her blouse and bra, moaning until he had calmed. "I can't wait to kiss and handle your naked skin, Teresa. You make me feel wonderful."

Cradling his head between her breasts, she pulled him down with her to lie on the couch. "You make me feel happy all over, Patrick."

"Good," he sighed. It really was all he wanted.

Lisbon arrived one day to find a small book on the language of flowers placed on her desk. A few days later Jane started leaving various bouquets in a lovely vase. She loved deciphering these "messages," Jane's sentiments so sweet and beautiful they touched her heart every time. They made her very happy. Others in the bullpen or passing by started noticing right away and began making daily rounds to see what flowers were in the vase that day.

Cho picked up the book and began rifling through it until he understood the gist of what was being said with each bouquet. Jane caught him at it one day. "It's about time," Cho said and set down the book, never returning to it now that he understood.

"Thanks, Cho. Sometimes I'm a little slow." He heard the other man blow a raspberry, but then Cho turned and flashed him a smile before continuing on.

Fischer noticed, too, but was more blatant in her curiosity and sense of entitlement than Cho. Lisbon could be sitting at her desk and Fischer would reach around her to get the book and start looking up the latest flower meanings. The fourth time she tried to do this, Lisbon slammed her hand on the book as Fischer's fingertips touched it. She gave her boss a very hard stare, a challenge to take Lisbon on, if she dared, about this impropriety. Jane watched their interaction openly from his couch, frowning and allowing his color to come up. Fischer backed off and stayed away from the flowers from then on except to comment in a very general way from time to time, "How pretty."

Their first time making love that Friday night made their hearts race with excitement. Lisbon asked if they could eat in. "I just don't think I can handle a restaurant tonight, waiting and waiting to be in your arms making love with you. If we're home, we can let the evening develop as we want it."

Jane took Lisbon in his arms and moved with her as if he was dancing, one arm tight around her waist, the other lifting to move a wayward tress of hair from her face. He held it longer than he needed, looking at the highlights and wave as it trickled from his hand and he tucked it behind her ear. "Have I told you what a smart woman you are, Lisbon?"

"Not in so many words. I always have to read between the lines with you."

"Let me be clear now. You are the smartest woman I know. And, the most beautiful, Teresa. Not only pleasing to look at but beautiful to watch the person you are, spreading your kindness and care wherever you go. No one fails to love you for that, myself included."

"You love me?"

"I do. And I love so many things about you. Whenever I think of them, I'll tell you. Such as . . . right now . . . your hair touches my arm when you raise your head to look at me. It's like a warm fall of water, tickling me." He leaned into her ear. "It makes me hard, Teresa."

She raised her head and smiled at him, aware that the ends of her hair were touching him now as she watched a pale blush of color bloom in his face. Relaxing in his arms felt like the only place to be.

"I look at your eyes, dilated until the green almost disappears and I know you want me. Do you have any idea, Teresa, what it's like to see desire in your eyes, and know it's for me?"

She barely shook her head. "How could I?"

"Let me show you." He tasted her lips, tenderly at first, but quickly moved to show his hunger, drawing her tongue into a gentle caress with his, then exploring her mouth. Lowering his hands, he grasped the globes of her ass and pushed her firmly against him, where she gasped at the erection she felt on her belly through her clothes. "Yes. I have an erection now. And it's for you. Only you." He licked the shell of her ear, his tongue hot and wet, agile.

"Paaaa-triiick, I won't be able to stand in a minute. I'm going to come if you keep on."

"Thanks for telling me how well I'm doing." He hugged her close, then pulled away to look at her kiss-plumped mouth. "Your mouth. Dark roses from my kisses. You're soft and deep and you welcome me in. Do you know what it makes me think of?"

This time, Teresa nodded slowly, looking at him as she huffed softly through parted lips, her eyes heavy-lidded.

He could sense she was starting to float in the beginnings of ecstasy. "That's right. It makes me think of you inside, down there, how succulent you must be, how wet and hot. What it will be like to be inside you, moving until I come. I can't wait Teresa." He rubbed a finger several times over her jeans at the lowest seam and she came apart in his arms, arching so tightly, he was dipping her in their slow sensuous dance. He kissed the hollow of her throat, tonguing it until she stopped contracting, instead releasing deep sighing breaths of relief. "Do you want me to carry you?"

She nodded and jumped to wrap her legs around his waist, laying her head on his shoulder, her hair cascading down his arm as her forehead rested against his neck. Jane had a happy woman in his arms, and he hadn't felt so happy in a long time. He could love her just like she needed, even if it wasn't the singular love he had felt for Angela.

The lighting was muted in her bedroom, but enough to see by. Patrick knew she would be eager to see him so he allowed her to undress him. She kissed newly exposed skin lavishly as she removed his clothing. By the time she had everything off, he was dripping, groaning with desire.

She tenderly felt his testicles, letting them rest on her fingers where she looked at them and sighed. "These are so beautiful. Their shape, their weight, the skin that covers them. And they're held close to your body. I like that."

Jane gripped her shoulders, trying to absorb the stimulation of both her fingers and her words of attraction.

Lisbon got onto the bed, scooting a good distance from the headboard. "Come here and crouch over my face. I want to know this part of you better."

He tilted his head, questioning. "That's very specific." What could she be up to?

She giggled, pointing a finger at him like a wand. Then raising and lowering her arm to point at him with power, she chanted loudly, giggling, "The power of sex compels you! The power of sex compels you!"

Oh! Teresa wanted to play. He smiled and got on the bed with her. When he had positioned himself as she'd asked, she pulled him a little closer.

"Ah! Lisbon! Oh, god." Her hot little tongue licked the rounds of flesh that he presented to her. Laving them thoroughly, she experimented with lightly sucking the surfaces from different angles. "How does that feel?"

Jane's mind was leaving him. He grunted his pleasure, twice.

"Good. This feels wonderful to me." Opening her mouth wide, she sucked a testicle tenderly into her mouth, feeling its small egg shape. She slowly released it and gently captured the other one.

Jane could feel her tongue roll it around, so softly that he felt no fear at all that she would injure or hurt him in this most tender of places. He felt her slide it gently from her mouth.

"Don't come yet, okay?"

His forehead dripped with sweat. He'd been trying to hang on for several minutes now, not knowing how far she planned to go. His assent was a couple of high-pitched moans, cut short by his rasping breath.

"Relax now. I'm going to take them both. I want you to dip them into my mouth at whatever intervals you want. I'll try to help by sucking them in and letting them go when you pull away."

"Okay." He lowered himself to her and nearly howled with pleasure as she managed to take both of his balls at once, sucking lightly and caressing them with her tongue. Slowly, he pulled away and she opened her mouth wide to let him go, her lips lightly suckling as they separated. Leaving her warm mouth was a little shock, and the air cooled his skin even more where her mouth had wet it. When he dipped back down, the sudden warmth as she took him in seemed to make his whole body heat up. He was able to last three more times, practically sobbing in his desperation for release. Jesus! Where had she learned this? It was exquisite and almost debilitating.

Lisbon laughed. "Your balls are crawling away from me, Patrick. I think you're going to come."

He managed to gasp out, "You'd better believe it," before he felt her warm mouth and tongue move behind his balls, a little more aggressive there, sucking and mouthing the muscley flesh. When he felt her teeth gently scrape him, Jane lost it, yelling from deep in his chest as he launched high-pressure streams of creamy white stripes along her belly and into her trim little mound of pubic hair. He kissed her thighs and then rolled to his side, doing his best to recover from the experience. This woman was going to give him pleasure he'd never had with anyone. He reached out a weak arm and she scooted against him.

"You feel good in my mouth. Taste nice, too, you delectable little teabag." She giggled delightedly. "Was that Earl Grey?"

"I've never felt anything like that before." And he'd never seen Teresa giggle like that, all the way from her belly. "Teabag, huh? You're a lewd woman." He smiled and winked at her. "I like it."

It delighted Teresa that she had made him feel so good, so happy. And in a new way.

Moving his hand between her legs, he whispered, "C'mere." He skimmed the flat of his hand over the wet he had put on her delta, curling a couple fingers between her swollen labia. She was soaking and slick. He wanted to learn her clitoris and it was easy to find, tight, not too far from the opening to her body where he slid in his middle finger. "So hot in there!"

"You made me hot. Ah!" Her body jerked when her hips jutted forward in response to his first manipulations of her clit. In no time, she was moaning and had propped her leg up to give him full access.

"Someday soon I'm going to put my mouth here, Teresa. I'll taste you. I'll nibble you and lick you until you quake." He continued to manipulate her as she gasped, clinging to his arm for support. "Would you like that?"

"Y-yes, yes!"

"But right now I'm going to put my cock inside you because I can't wait to feel you. Do you want to feel me?"

"Yes! Y-yes, right now."

"Put your hand on me. Feel me, what I'm going to put inside you."

He was absolutely rigid and his breath shifted to a low register as her hand tried to wrap him, small fingers restlessly trying to grip him.

"The head now. That's going in first."

She palmed and squeezed the head, opening her eyes wide to look into his. They were dark and rimmed with sea spray. Her moaning turned fitful and urgent.

"Lie on your back and open your legs for me. Wide. So I know you want me."

Lisbon was so aroused, her heart pounding so fast that she had to open her mouth to get enough air, her lungs a small bellows. If he didn't take her soon, she would fly into a million pieces! She opened her legs wide. "Nowwwww," she wailed.

"Yes. Now." Memorizing where the hot pink was, Patrick hovered over her, then lowered his hips and slid right in to the hilt.

Lisbon gave a low scream and arched her back, digging her nails into the meat of his arm. She looked at him with tears in her eyes.

"Did I hurt you?"

"No. You make me feel so good, so happy, I don't know how to feel it all."

He moved in her. "I'm going to make you come. Can you feel it building?"

She nodded.

"Show me where. Put your hand there."

Teresa rested her hand on the lowest part of her belly and rubbed the general area. "It's all in here. Low. It feels heavy, molten."

"That's how you feel inside, too. Swollen. Insistent. Molten. Pressing heavy on me. How do you want me to move?"

"Easy. Deep. I want to feel it all."

Propped up on his elbows, Jane let his hips do the work as he passionately kissed everything within reach. Her breasts were amazing, full and round and tipped in tight little rosebuds that felt like heaven on his tongue. He laved and sucked them, resisting the urge to nip since she wanted easy.

"Handle me! Handle my boobs."

They filled his hands perfectly and she began to writhe, rubbing them into his large palms, burnishing his hands.

Jane picked up the pace, letting her hot swollen flesh drive him. He was getting close and he wanted her there, too.

"I'm so close, Jane!"

"So am I." He changed the angle of his thrusts a bit, ramming deep and forcing her clit to ride his shaft. He could feel the tight little organ pressing on him with every stroke into her. "Lisbon . . . ?"

"Aaannnhhh! I'm com—coming . . . oh, oh, oh!" The heaviness burst inside her groin, spreading molten honey everywhere. Her muscles squeezed him so tight she was almost numb as he continued to thrust through her contractions.

Then he froze, shoving deep and holding there, his relief expressed in soft rhythmic grunts as his body power-squeezed jets of semen into her. He collapsed to breathe and moan into her hair as his body settled down.

"I'm starving! We didn't make dinner." Shoving him gently off of her, Lisbon turned to him splayed stomach-down on the mattress, one eye open to look at her. "Stay here. I'll bring us something."

He was snoozing, splayed as she left him, when she returned with a tray. A pot of steaming tea, cups and saucers, toast piled high on a plate, butter and jam, milk for the tea. "Sit up. We'll eat in bed."

They sat naked and cross-legged with the tray between them on the mattress eating ambrosia, judging by the sounds of pleasure and satisfaction they made. Then they showered together, fondling each other's rumps. more to explore than arouse. They went to bed early, assuming one would wake the other in the night.

Lisbon watched Jane go through some breathing exercises, obviously designed to clear his mind and make him relax. Touching him lightly on the arm with her fingers, she whispered, "Are you okay?"

He nodded softly without opening his eyes. "Just trying to settle down." He seemed to drop off to sleep but almost immediately made whimpering sounds, distressed. Later he woke her groaning in a bad dream, "No. Please, no."

Lisbon gently stroked his cheek and he lifted his head.

"Charlotte?"

"No. Go back to sleep. It's just a dream." She ran a smooth hand down his arm and kissed his forehead. What this poor man must go through every day. Those memories would never leave him.

But he settled down after she comforted him and slept the night.

Awake and looking at Jane while he surfaced from sleep in the morning, she saw misery in his eyes as soon as he opened them.

"Uuunnnhh." He groaned and held his head as if he had a splitting headache, but denied that's what was happening when Lisbon asked him. He got up and made for the bathroom, his head hanging to hide the few tears that trailed his cheeks.

"Tea! You need tea," she called from behind him. "I'll make you some."

"Yes! Thank you. It's exactly what I need." He entered the bathroom without turning around.

She had a pot hot and ready for him when him came to the kitchen. She poured a little milk into the cup first and then poured the tea.

"Mmmmmm. It's perfect, Teresa. Thank you. When did you learn to make tea?"

"Oh . . . my best friend taught me."

He smiled slyly. "Well, I'd say you've been practicing."

"I've learned to like a little tea now and then myself. It's especially nice in the evenings when coffee would be too strong."

Their free weekends, and what other days and nights they could fit in, were spent like this. They frequently went out for meals or something entertaining, but home was always easy and full of lovemaking. It didn't take Teresa long to figure out that Jane woke up every morning and went to sleep every night opening that dread door. Tea in the mornings helped him shut it and breathing exercises in bed did the same at night. In that sense, she realized that Patrick would be controlled by a dead man for the rest of his life. It brought out her natural kindness and he thrived on it.

One morning, when he was finishing his tea, she crawled into his lap. Taking his head in both hands, she kissed him thoroughly, letting her fingers drift through his curls, always wild in the mornings. He gazed at her quietly and she kissed him some more. Finally, she looked into his unguarded eyes. "I'm so sorry you have to deal with those memories every day. I wish I could take them away. I love you, Patrick. I'm sorry you're hurting."

"I love you, too, Teresa. I'm so happy with you. As happy as I _can_ be, anyway. You do take some of it away, you know."

"You make me happy every day, without fail. I feel your love all the time even without words. Sometimes I feel so in love with you, I can't speak." She knew he didn't feel quite the same about her, but it didn't matter. He loved her as much as he could and he never stopped finding ways to show it, to make her feel happy, feeding her so much affection that she was glad she couldn't get fat from it. If that wasn't love, it really didn't matter what she called it. And she chose, rightly, to call it love.

Jane hugged her. "Will you marry me? I want to be your husband and make this permanent. If you want to keep your place, we'll live here, or we can find another place together. Will you marry me?"

"I'd be the happiest woman in the world if I was your wife, Patrick. Yes, I want you for my husband. I'd love to marry you."

They married. Everybody at the Austin FBI branch suddenly understood that Teresa Jane was under the protection of its prize asset, Patrick Jane. When he asked that she accompany him on a case, she was there. If she wanted to be. More and more frequently she took cases of her own, building her own excellent reputation. It wasn't long before the Austin branch understood that Patrick Jane was under the protection of one of their top agents, Teresa Jane. On rare occasions, when he couldn't shake the horrid reality of his past, didn't sleep and grieved with tears that wouldn't stop, she would stay with him. She took care of him as if he were sick, as indeed his spirit was. It helped him and he was utterly grateful for her indiscriminate love.

When separated, there were constant texts, calls and best of all, late night video "chats." His wife was unbelievably adventurous and so incredibly sexy that he gave up everything to her during their lovemaking, whatever form it took. She quickly learned the advantages of traveling in the Airstream and almost never passed up an opportunity to take a road trip with him. They were surprised and thrilled to have one child, James Patrick Jane. To his lifelong embarrassment, they called him Jimmy Pat. It was an Irish, Texan sort of thing to do.

Many years later, after Jimmy Pat was grown, especially when Teresa would hold Patrick during those first terrible minutes of waking in the morning, Patrick felt the full happiness of his life. He still missed Angela, the love of his life. But his love for Teresa was so broad and so deep after their many years of happiness that he could not distinguish whether it made him more happy or less happy than the love he had for Angela. So, he made no more difference between them They were both his loves. How could he ever be unhappy when he could make Teresa happy every day? She so thoroughly loved everything about him, the whole and the cracked.

"**That's how the light gets in."**

–**Leonard Cohen, 'Anthem'**


End file.
